This post is not an invitation to 'Ruth's Pity Party 2016 - RSVP below and remember to bring snacks!'
Heck No!
I may be half deaf, and it can sometimes be a problem, but in the grand scheme of life I consider myself to be pretty lucky.
I have however been inspired to write this post because I am currently in the throws of a rather nasty, and painful, ear infection in my right ear. This is my dud ear. It don't work folks (not unless you count muffled sounds as working) and when such things occur I am reminded of how fragile my hearing is and how much I can take it for granted.
It wouldn't be normal to remind yourself how lucky you are every day for being able to hear but on these days in particular, when your body is reminding you that your ear can malfunction from time to time, it always pays to take stock of people's voices, music, or even every day sounds.
I wasn't born this way (oh no I wasn't Gaga), I always had problems with my ears from a very young age but I did have hearing in my right ear until the age of ten. Then a nasty infection set in, burst the eardrum, inner ear infection, rotting ear bones=no hearing, 2 x operations (1 to remove the bones, 1 to implant a titanium disc), the implant didn't take and hearing continued to decrease which brings us to the present day at the grand old age of 28.
I can literally hear the most incomprehensible of sounds in my right ear now and so I do consider myself to be half deaf. As humans we learn to adapt which, for me, means the following:
- Choosing a certain seat in a restaurant so that I don't have friends on my right hand side
- Learning to lip read in noisy situations
- Guess work when people are talking
- Not getting embarrassed if I mishear people
- A LOT of smiling and nodding (people must think that I am a really great listener but really I am trying to decipher if they are telling me that their cat has died or that they've had new highlights).
My hearing impairment rarely bothers me (which is why, when I do have ear infections, I am reminded of my ear's fragility) and I can only count a handful of times that it has been a problem, such as:
- The time I worked in a call centre for about 12 minutes (actually 7 weeks) before I felt my soul dying and had to quit. We used to wear those Madonna-esque head sets and with my left ear occupied listening to moany moaners moaning about something on the phone I was unable to hear literally anything else that went on around me. The shift supervisor was kind of scary though and would shout at me for swinging on my chair so maybe it was a gift in disguise that I couldn't hear her loudly tutting at me most days.
- The time I tried to go SCUBA diving - ouchies!
- The time my left ear (yes my only working one) got a perforated ear drum whilst working at altitude on a mountain in New Zealand. Lost hearing in both ears for a week and felt my world closing in around me for a while. But...it fixed itself so yay!
- When I was a barmaid at a busy pub in Portsmouth whilst at University. Most conversations with punters went as followed:
Punter: Two pints of Carlsberg and Vodka and Coke please love
Me: Sure. No Problem. Coming right up (tbh I was rarely this polite) *brings over a cider, a white wine and a packet of Nobbie Nuts* £6.00 please
Punter: Sorry you must of misheard me I said two pints of Carlsberg and Vodka and Coke please
Me: Why yes it is a nice day out today, you got any plans?
Punter: Are you deaf or summink?
Me: I agree, the second Godfather film really is the best out of the trilogy
Punter: *door slams on the way out*
Losing half of my hearing at ten years old however does often make me wonder if its shaped the person that I am today. Its the nature vs nurture debate I guess.
I consider myself to be a bit introverted, especially when I first meet a person or group, I tend to sit back and suss the situation first and have sometimes been described as being unapproachable or even cold when people first meet me. I like my own company and I enjoy solitary activities such as reading and writing. Is this a result of always feeling a little bit on the edge of a group due to not being able to capture entire conversations or is this just my DNA? Would I have been this way had I not lost my hearing as a child?
Would I feel more comfortable around new people if the threat of mishearing or, even worse, ignoring them was redundant? Would I feel less reliant on my girlfriend and close friends in a group situation if I didn't have to quietly ask them to clarify what people had said?
I'll never know these answers but what I do know is that being half deaf isn't all bad and it can be used as a really great excuse for ignoring people when you want to, I refer you to the following examples:
Annoying person in the street: Oh hey Ruth...Ruth *frantically waves* RUTHHH!!!
Me: *sees person in peripherals*
Annoying person: HELLOOOOOO....RUTH
Me: lalalalalalala
Me: *receives text later reading 'Oi I saw you in the street earlier but you didn't hear me'*
Me: *responds 'Oh sorry, you must have been on my deaf side*
Or....
Me: What film shall we watch on Netflix this evening?
Gf: Oooh there's a new war film or something on gangs or rappers or boxing
Me: Oh did you say Spiceworld the movie? Why yes, lets watch that
Gf: No I said....
Me: Sorry can't hear you. You're on my deaf side. Spiceworld it is then...*Intro starts, Spice Girls come into shot, "Too much of something is bad enough...."*
Hello and welcome to This Ruth Is On Fire, a UK blog which is a haven for random thoughts and sarcastic observations.
I'm also into books, clothes and visiting places too.
