The smiles from the air stewards, as you show them your ticket, are as false as your adopted air of calm and the only thing that you're dreading more than the flight itself is meeting your neighbours for the next few hours. You hope to god, that when you reach 17B, you won't be squished between a man that looks like Charles Manson who views showers as merely an inconvenience and a middle aged lady that will regale you with endless tales of how successful her son is even though he sounds like a massive d-bag.
The plane starts to move and you tell yourself that it's definitely not going to be scary this time, it gathers speed and you're still an oasis of calm, then it really gathers speed and does that annoying dip thing right as it takes off and...FUCK THE CALM...you are 100% freaking out. How in holy hell is this odd-looking, metal, bungalow sized contraption in the air?! This is the point where you close your eyes, grip the arm rests and hope to god that the two strangers located either side of you are blissfully unaware of the inner turmoil that is going on inside you.
It's 10 minutes later and you feel confident enough to open your eyes now, unclaw your hands and undo your seat belt. You begin to watch the Sandra Bullock comedy that is no.1 on your movie schedule and things seem to be going ok.
An hour passes and all is seemingly going well.
You can see the air stewards getting the food ready to distribute and you suddenly realise how hungry you actually are. Those 4 wines and out of date chocolate bar from the airport simply haven't sufficed and you're feeling a mixture of anxiety, hunger and hangover at this moment. Food is being passed out to the people two rows in front of you and you can smell the unique aroma of goat curry and high school canteen coming your way.
You hit a little turbulence, just a small shudder, but it's enough to make you grip the arm rests. In the panic you actually grab the knee of the young lady to your left and for the remainder of the journey she thinks that you're some lesbian, sexual deviant who will molest her in her sleep. She doesn't nap or remove her blanket for the remainder of the journey.
You take solace in the fact that the air stewards are still serving food. Surely they wouldn't be serving stale bread rolls and curry with a skin forming on top if the plane was heading for oblivion?! Or is it a double bluff and they know something bad is happening but they don't want to panic anyone?! You realise that you're turning mental. You have a stern word with yourself and smile through the dry heaves because you've just opened the sweaty foil from your aeroplane meal.
Onto film number 2; a wonderfully emotional tale about an awkward male adolescent as he tries to meander through life at an American High School. Totes emosh. And for 2 hours you actually forget (kinda) that you're on a plane.
You gather the courage to finally visit the toilet but it's a rather traumatic affair. It turns out that those 'slight shudders' that you felt when sitting in your seat a few hours prior feel like a frigging earth quake when you're sat on the john. You forgo washing your hands and decide to sprint back to your seat. The young lady on your left deffo thinks that you're a freak now and the businessman in the aisle seat tuts at you as you scramble over his lap to the safety of 17B.
The remainder of the flight follows the cycle of; relax, freak out, try and watch a film, relax, slight turbulence, freak out, for the next few hours, by which point you are utterly exhausted and in need of valium.
Your initial excitement about landing is replaced by the utter fear of...well...the actual landing, and as the plane makes it's descent, the ear popping is the only thing distracting you from what you expect to be certain death.
The plane makes it descent and you see the welcome sight of the runway. It's nearly over and you're just waiting for that god awful split second when the tyres hit the tarmac. You keep your eyes closed and wait for the landing, it feels like it's taking forever but you're now feeling a slight elation internally that the ordeal is so close to being over.
With a little bump the plane lands, relief overcomes your being, and an unholy smile erupts on your face. The young lady to your left, 100% thinks that you're bat-shit crazy now, but you don't care. You're safe.
You give yourself a pat on the back for facing your fears once again and for not letting your fear of flying stop you from exploring the world. You know that you will face this ordeal many times throughout your life, but for the current moment, you will have two feet firmly on the ground and that is worth celebrating!
Hello and welcome to This Ruth Is On Fire, a UK blog which is a haven for random thoughts and sarcastic observations.
I'm also into books, clothes and visiting places too.
