So come with me through a journey of stupidity with these 10 corkers:
1. The following three things; a. 'Well you don't look like one', b. 'I don't believe you are one' or c. 'Are you joking me?'- I mean I don't have a certificate or anything to prove it but...
2. When speaking about friends who have never been intimate with a member of the opposite sex I've often heard people say 'well if they haven't done it then how do they know?'- Well I'm assuming that you've never had sex with an alpaca before but how do you know you don't like it if you've never tried it?
3. 'Do you miss the 'D'/ real thing/ pork sword/ whatever euphemism people like to use to mean a man's dangly bits?'- Errrr nope, nopedy nope nope nope and you are a massive 'D' head for saying that.
4. 'You just haven't met the right man yet' or 'I bet I could turn you'- I have an array of insulting responses to these statements which are too offensive to post on this here lovely blog
5. 'Don't worry, I love watching lesbian movies'- This is not a compliment my friend, this neanderthal is not referring to some Tipping the Velvet type cinematography oh no no no they're full blown comparing me to a porn star and whats worse is that they think its a compliment
6. Nothing will make me want to pour steaming fish guts over your head more than the following statements; 'Can I watch?' or ' Can I join in?'....good lord help the next person that says this to me.
7. When somebody asks very personal questions to Sam and I having only just met us- If this scenario was to happen with a straight couple and a guy went up to another guy and started asking questions about his missus in the sack they'd most likely spend their night hooked up to an IV drip, being fed their dinner through a straw. Trust me I feel the same when these things are said to me.
8. When girls think that I fancy them because I've paid them a compliment or hugged them. Trust me love, if I found you attractive I'd be flustered like a little school girl that could hardly string a sentence together! If I've said that your hair looks nice today then I genuinely just mean that I like your hair.
9. When a person tells me that 'its a waste' that I am gay- I tend to think that those types of people are a waste to the human race and are taking up valuable oxygen that could be used to grow more lesbians in our science labs so that we can take over the world mwoahahahaha!
10. If I dislike a female it's because said female does something that I don't like but if I dislike a male it's because I'm a man- hating, feminist lesbian who has a voodoo doll of Jeremy Clarkson in the hope to strike pain into the hearts of all misogynist pigs everywhere! Or...it could mean that said male is just a bit of an arse and the fact that he has a penis is merely incidental.
Hello and welcome to This Ruth Is On Fire, a UK blog which is a haven for random thoughts and sarcastic observations.
I'm also into books, clothes and visiting places too.
