I'm sure that anybody whose ever experienced communal living in a hostel whilst travelling has encountered or may even identify as one of the following:
1. The creepy old guy: Looks like Charles Manson, most definitely a nudist, he will be in your dorm for 3 days before you even realise that he is in there on the furthest away bunk in the dark corner of the room. He may be on the run from the police. He will definitely have night terrors about his time in 'nam but will turn out to be a complete sweetheart....or murderer...it's a tough call sometimes.
2. The white rasta: He will have only left his 4 bed- semi in Surrey a fortnight prior to you meeting him but he will have stopped washing, will now only wear 100% pure Thai silk harem pants and will try lure women into his bed with his 'energy exchanges' that he learnt from a yoga retreat that he went to in Bali in 2013. He will play acoustic guitar for you...badly...without you requesting it. He will rise at 6am every morning to do salutations followed by Hare Krishna chants and by the time you rise with a coffee in hand he will be performing circus tricks on the front lawn for all to see or trying to teach reluctant backpackers how to slack line.
3. The soul- searcher: With this female solo traveller you will never be able to get a word in edge ways and you'll walk away whistling the tune to 'anything you can do I can do better' as you chuckle at her stories of building orphanages in Kenyaaaaaahhh when she was in Africaaaaaaaah. She'll have stopped drinking for a month or two but will tell you how refreshing it is to be sober and that you should try it, she'll refuse to shave her pits because of male oppression and will judge you for refusing to adopt her veganism whilst she wears her leather sandals. Two months later she'll have started her economics degree at Oxbridge and will be downing shots from one of the rugby lads' butt cracks.
4. The 'mad for it' geezer: This boozed up Brit will be your worse nightmare. What he lacks in common decency he will make up for in enthusiasm which will manifest itself in passing out drunk, trying to shag anything with a pulse (sometimes that's not even essential) and going 'ooh ooh' circa 2002 to the DJ playing Darude 'Sandstom' in a grotty bar of Khao San Road. He will always be up for a larf until it comes to a Government official telling him off for pulling a moonie in front of a temple and then the rude boy agro from numerous nights out in his home town will come into fruition. This fella will see it as his colonial right to behave how he likes with no concept of local tradition and etiquette.
5. The high fiver: This guy lives for adrenaline. If it involves launching himself off something then he's game and he has to make sure it's the highest, fastest, deepest option out there. He'll go shark diving without a cage, solo sky dive on his second attempt and try bungee jumping whilst juggling chainsaws just to make sure it's extra Xtreme. After the activity there'll be copious amounts of wooping, fist pumping and high fiving followed by a 'duuuuuuuude' to his closest bro pal. Think Travis Pastrana but in a faded billabong t-shirt and a pair of climbing shoes.
6. The eternal hostel dweller: Female or male, this specimen will once have had great dreams of seeing the world and exploring far and wide. What will have actually happened is upon visiting their first hostel they will have struck up a friendship with the manager or slept with one of the receptionists and 6 years later they're still cleaning the hostel loos and have an ever- growing resentment toward backpackers who dare to relax in 'their' common area or change 'their' TV Channel. This person won't be travelling per se more like existing and avoiding succumbing to the 'man' and getting a 'real job' by cleaning up backpackers' vomit and swearing under their breath at those that leave the kitchen in a mess. This person will only allow Foo Fighters and Incubus to be played on the hostel iPod.
7. The wannabe Kardashian: You'll wonder why this female ever left her mum's home cooking and fluffy, goose- feathered pillows because all she will do is moan. When asking how she is the following adjectives will be used; tired, hot, cold, hungry and/ or bored but her instagram will be filled with carefully filtered images of her sipping cocktails by the pool or partying on the beach making her look like something straight out of 'The OC'. She will get drunk one night and have semi- conscious intercourse with the aforementioned 'mad for it geezer' She will have a hard case suitcase on wheels that, when she can't carry it over the gravel, she'll click her fingers and demand the local bus driver to carry for her. She'll have no interest in any local culture apart from getting a foot spa with those little fishes (of which she'll scream for the entire time) or posing trepidatiously with a local child whom she will have pulled off his porch to show that she is grounded.
8. The lesbian or German: Walking boots, an unflattering pair of cargo shorts and a strict itinerary which cannot be amended will all be associated with this traveller. She'll be a little bit on the serious side and will survive solely off water from the local stream in her approved International Water Association filtered water bottle and will only eat rice covered in soy sauce and onions or berries that she picked on a local hike as there'll be no need for frivolities such as alcohol or chocolate with this lass. When the weather warms up the clumpy brown walking boots will be replaced with even clumpier 'Lesbian Adventure Sandals' that will make even the least fashion conscious fellow traveller shudder at the sight.
9. The First- timer: Lost. Ran out of money after a fortnight. Mum packed his bag complete with first aid kit, camping mug, penknife and passport/ money belt that he'll sleep with attached to his chest every night (despite which he will still manage to get pick pocketed and lose his passport within a month). His back pack will weigh three times the amount that he does but he'll soldier on in the heat through the streets of his new destination having forgotten to pre- book a hostel room on one of the busiest weekends of the year.
10. The couple: Completely segregating themselves, these two will avoid making contact with anyone else but each other for the 6 months that they're away and will kiss for an uncomfortably long amount of time when taking 'couple selfies' in front of whatever landmark they choose to ruin with their PDAs (seriously, are they going to print and frame those hundreds of kissing selfies and put them on their mantle piece!?!). What's worse, they may ask you to take the photo and having never said a word to either of them for the past 2 weeks that you've shared a dorm with them, you'll feel a tad uncomfortable when they start tonguing each other in front of Angkor Wat wanting you to capture that moment. You will never find one of them more than 10 feet away from the other but you can tell in an instant if they've have an argument because the passive aggressive mutterings and reluctant gestures of sharing a meal will speak volumes.
Hello and welcome to This Ruth Is On Fire, a UK blog which is a haven for random thoughts and sarcastic observations.
I'm also into books, clothes and visiting places too.
