You are what you drive?
Published on
19:11
By
This Ruth Is On Fire
I have been driving for a decade now and in that time I’ve reversed into two vehicles, scuffed many hub caps, banged multiple side mirrors and probably sung One Direction at the top of my voice far too many times. What I’ve noticed when checking the vehicles around me is that a car can often be a large indicator of a person’s identity and that you can most likely guess what sub culture the driver may belong to or what image they want to portray about themselves by their vehicle.
From my observations I have created what I deem to be the definitive list of cars and their owners:
The Audi TT driver: The TOWIE reject that uses the term ‘lad’ un-ironically, you will usually find him having a ‘cheeky gym sesh’ (of which multiple selfies of him lifting inhumanely heavy weights will be taken and instantly uploaded onto various social media) or having a ‘cheeky nandos’ or a ‘cheeky trip to the barbers’- just general cheekiness really. Often found revving the engine at traffic lights in an attempt to intimidate his fellow road users.
The BMW driver: The middle aged business man who most likely works with figures and dons lycra at the weekends to take the road bike out for a quick spin. Idolises Jeremy Clarkson and sees Bear Grylls as the ultimate in posh boy toughness. Tends to talk a lot about saving money on insurance.
The 4X4 driver: Now this driver can be one of two stereotypes. 1. The pristine 4X4 driver who actively avoids going off road at all costs and will go as far as to dodge puddles in an attempt to keep their ride as clean as their veneers. Usually wannabe WAGs (female) or Sunday league footballers (male). 2. The mud- laced 4X4 driver whose attire consists exclusively of wax jackets, Hunter wellies (for necessity darling, not fashion) and dead pheasants slung over their shoulder. Their car is often used to herd cattle and their vehicle always comes complete with an aroma of rural smells.
The Soft Top driver: The hairdressers car. The ultimate transportation device for the barcadi and coke drinker, the Michael Buble/ Olly Murs lover, the Michael Kors watch wearing ‘spa weekend away with the girls’ type lass.
The big exhaust, lime green, ridiculous spoiler driver: This fella loves a heavy baseline and wants all his suburban neighbours to know that. This driver will already have 4 speeding fines even though he’s under 20 years old, he will undertake you on the motorway, he will avoid speed bumps and he can most likely be found hanging around in a McDonalds car park on a Saturday night.
The people carrier driver: This driver will usually be speeding due to being late for Tennis Club or Ballet class or whatever extra- curricular club their little sprog will be attending. This driver is the master of the parallel park due to years of practice of fighting other cars for the ultimate parking space outside the school at 3:15. They will be in a constant state of wishing that they were driving a sports car in the French Riviera instead of multi tasking with little Jimmy’s homework, checking Poppy for nits and making a dinner of sausage and chips for the third night in a row.
The Original Mini- driver: Complete leftie. Usually reads The Guardian, can sometimes be vegan and will always hold the worst gripe against the drivers of the ‘new Mini’ (see photo above) who have the audacity to count themselves in the same category as them. The driver will usually be a bit punky or alternative and will often write free verse poetry for the local open mic night.
The white van driver: And finally…the white van driver. The ultimate ducker and diver on the road. Usually found intimidating old ladies who they feel are causing a menace by driving too slow or deciding that stopping at a red light is completely optional. If found en mass with 2-3 passengers, the front seat can turn into a working men’s club complete with pork scratchings and tales of bravado.
[Please note that this entry is completely meant in jest and is not meant to offend anyone. It’s based on a bunch of stereotypes that aren’t true….most of the time]
Hello and welcome to This Ruth Is On Fire, a UK blog which is a haven for random thoughts and sarcastic observations.
I'm also into books, clothes and visiting places too.
