2. The 'wannabe diva'- This female is a try hard Paris Hilton on a Poundland budget and has mistaken this short haul Ryan Air flight to Alicante for a private jet to St. Tropez. This difficult passenger will demand extra leg room, she'll have managed to sneak on twice the allowed hand luggage allowance and will click her fingers for the poor Air Stewards to try and find space for her extra heavy bags laden with cheap bottle of booze and fags for her mates back home. She'll take up two seats; 1 for her voluptuous behind and 1 for her knock off Louis Vuitton handbag and will shoot a look that will make grown men cower like school girls if anybody asks her to turn her music down or to stop hogging the arm rests.
3. The 'yoga enthusiast'- This passenger does everything by the book, within 30 minutes of the flight the DVT socks have come out and they're doing the downward facing dog in the walkways. They'll re-hydrate every 22 minutes as is stated in their 'flying safely' manual and will be the only passenger on the plane who actually listens and takes notes on the inflight safety talk at the beginning.
4. The 'pisshead'- This passenger takes full advantage of the complimentary drinks service available and will have no qualms that its only 8am because they are in full blown 'holiday mode'. Usually a lady of the older persuasion, she'll become abusive after her third Merlot but it's ok because she'll pass out drunk and wake up with a groggy hangover all within the long haul flight. At this point she'll request a black coffee and avoid eye contact with those around her as she wallows in a red wine induced haze of shame.
5. The Stag/ Hen do- Your absolute worst nightmare (unless you are part of the aforementioned party). You'll have settled into your seat, had a browse through the movie selection, checked out the menu and just as you go to take your shoes off you'll be confronted with a pack of over- enthusiastic males in comedy t-shirts with nicknames on the back such as 'The Donkey' and/ or a gaggle of women sounding like turkeys with matching tutus, making you feel like you're on the school bus again and have mistakenly taken a seat at the back with cool kids when all you really want is some peace and quiet.
6. The 'frequent' flyer- This will be a person that flies for business purposes only but will reluctantly have to sit in economy with the rest of the rabble because the company is too tight to pay for anything other than the bare minimum. As soon as the plane hits cruising mode, the laptop will come out, the spreadsheets start to get populated and any distraction whether it be passengers no1-6 as mentioned above or the window seat passenger needing the toilet is met with a tut and a 'don't you know how important and businessy I am' type look.
7. The 'smelly one'- Usually occupying an aisle sit so that you have to uncomfortably brush up against them when wanting a loo trip. This passenger is the type to rest their bare feet on the arm rest in front of them or clean their ears out with the end of the headphone cable, they'll be wearing a vest exposing said smelly bits more than one would wish and they'll accidentally rest their unwashed hair on your shoulder when they fall asleep and you'll be too polite to tell them to move.
8. The 'exhausted mother'- This poor poor woman is at the end of her tether and what's worse than her screaming toddler is the disapproving looks that she's been getting for hours from her fellow passengers. She's tried feeding, changing, playing, reading, listening to calming whale music and watching constant repeats of Peppa Pig episodes on her iPad and yet nothing is working for her troublesome two year old. The Air Stewards will take pity on this woman and take the toddler for a walk so she can have a quick nap because the look in her frazzled eyes suggests that she can't take much more of the 'why' questions from little Johnny.
9. The 'nervous flyer'- Speaking from experience as a complete nervous flyer, this passenger will be found gripping the arm rests, eyes closed, counting to 100 like all the advice books suggest. At the slightest bit of turbulence this flyer will look to the Air Stewards for confirmation that the plane is not about to erupt into a ball of flames and will take some small comfort from the fact that the coffee and miniature biscuits are still being served- something that is highly unlikey if the plane was to be going down. Sometimes this flyer may take solace in adult beverages and consequently might turn into No. 4 at some point throughout the flight.
10. The 'pissed off Air Stewards/ Stewardesses'- These poor folk have to encounter awkward and difficult passengers on a day to day basis and the worst thing about it is that they have absolutely nowhere to run away to. They are never more than a couple of metres away from a full sick bag, two passengers fighting over what is correct chair reclining etiquette or somebody complaining about the cardboard tasting pasta that they have to reluctantly serve. Of course their lives look glamorous on social media with snaps taken all over the world but in reality they dread going to work just as much as the rest of us. Spare a thought for these folk next time you're on a flight and maybe crack a smile or start a convo to show that you appreciate what a tough job they do.
Hello and welcome to This Ruth Is On Fire, a UK blog which is a haven for random thoughts and sarcastic observations.
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Ha Ha this is so true! People can be so annoying on planes.
ReplyDeleteEve xo | http://anorganisedscatterbrain.blogspot.co.uk/
...and the worst thing is, is that there is nowhere to escape to when you're thousands of feet up in the air!!
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