But...
...because life is not always rainbows and unicorns and there are days when you just wanna scream and reach for the nearest jar of nutella (which you devour by the pound- spoon not necessary), I thought that to keep things realistic I would run off a quick list of those 50 things that really grind my gears. I'm not talking the biggies like war and famine and disease oh no no no my friend, I'm merely meaning those little, almost pedantic, things that happen to us which make us think FFS get me to the nearest pub because this is some BS right here.
2. When I make a cup of tea in the morning and don't give myself enough time to drink it
3. Kitten heels!
4. Attention seeking, really elusive, Facebook statuses
5. The fact that I'm finding grey hair (on my head!) already at age 27
6. When I've just put my mascara on and I sneeze
7. Blowdrying my hair on a really hot day
8. When knobbers ask Sam and I- 'So which one of you is the man'- Neither! We're both women GET OVER IT *side note- I could actually write an entire entry on the stupid things I've had said to me about my sexuality*
9. The black hole that exists in my flat that sucks in stray kirbie grips (bobby pins if you're in 'Murica) and odd socks because fuck knows where they go
10. Being unable to tend to wedgies (front or back) in public
11. People on their phones at the cinema
12. Screaming kids in restaurants (sorry folks, I know that this makes me a childless monster but nothing ruins your starter more than a toddler throwing a wobbler)
13. Wet towels on the bed and/ or the floor
14. When people play music on their phones out loud in a public place
15. When people describe something as 'gay'- I'm not getting on my rainbow coloured high horse here I just think that there a wayyyyy better adjectives out there to describe something, lets all use our big people words now.
16. Floating food touching your hand when you're washing up. Bleugh.
17. Katie Hopkins
18. Slow wi-fi
19. Those weird crumbs you always find in the depths of your coat pocket
20. When strangers tell you to smile because 'it might never happen'
21. The price of train tickets
22. When someone simply has the inability to be happy for another's achievements
23. "Your username/ password combination is incorrect"- it would be really bloody helpful if you could tell me which one was incorrect!!!!
24. The cost of car parking
25. When I'm really craving a coffee but it tastes like poopy crap when it arrives
26. Management spiel
27. The "Keep Calm and..." slogan thing, it's deffo run it's course now
28. When you open a bag of crisps to find that its half full of air- now I know why it says 'low fat' on the packaging because its low content too.
29. The misuse of the following; "your", "you're, "our", "are", "there", "their", "they're", "too", "to", "know", "no", "here", "hear"
30. Whistling
31. People trying to talk to you when you're on the phone- I am deaf in my right ear so this is a particular peeve of mine, I literally cannot hear what you're trying to say if the phone is to my left ear and I'm going to ignore your exaggerated gesticulations thank you very much
32. When you ask how someone's day is and they answer it with anything other than 'fine thank you'
33. Christians who claim that homosexuality is wrong but use contraception, have sex before marriage and cohabit before marriage but I guess there's a loophole in John chapter 3 that says you can pick and choose which parts of the Bible that you adhere to huh?
34. Mathematics in it's entirety- numbers be making my brain go all kinds of crazy
35. Meetings about meetings about meetings especially when there are no complimentary sandwiches
36. Pretentiously small meal portions at over priced restaurants- just because it's arrived on a piece of slate with some basil jus plopped on the side does not mean it's worth the £30 you want to charge me for something thats the size of my big toe
37. The 'anything you can do I can do better' type folk- "oh you've broken your arm have you? Yeah I broke both mine and a couple of ribs last week, Doctor said it's the worst thing he's ever seen...he passed out in fact the bloody pussy but because I've got super human bones its fixed itself already"
38. Passive aggressive emails
39. The 60 pizza/ kebab/ Chinese/ Indian leaflets that clog up my letter box every week
40. Commuters who use an entire train seat for their bag- unless that briefcase gone bought itself a ticket I'm gonna sit there biatch
41. Standing on an upside down plug
42. The 'if you don't share this in 20 minutes then your entire family is going to be plagued by locusts' type FB posts
43. Wasps
44. When I used to work in a bar and people would wave their money at me to try and get my attention- I'm sorry my friend but that will get you a one way ticket to Thirstyville if you continue to wave your money at me like a stripper...in fact...at least a stripper gets to keep that money!
45. Talking to the top of someone's head whilst they sit on their phone
46. This conversation:
Person A: Did I tell you about the time that a pelican stole my camera?
Me: Yes you did haha
Person A: Yeah well what happened was, was that this pelican came up to me and...
Me: *smiles politely* yeah...uhuh...yeah...yup...you already told me that mate *nervous laugh* haha remember, when you asked me just before you repeated the story...!?!
47. When you ask waiting staff or a shop assistant to get you something and it's met with rolled eyes and a huff...erm excuuuuuuuse me this is your job in its entirety to 'wait on' or 'assist' people
48. When you have one line from a song which you can't seem to get out of your head
49. Overly competitive people at the gym
50. How annoyed the previous 49 points make me
Hello and welcome to This Ruth Is On Fire, a UK blog which is a haven for random thoughts and sarcastic observations.
I'm also into books, clothes and visiting places too.
